


in your orbit

by lukitari



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Drunk Sex, First Meetings, Force-Sensitive Hux, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 07:25:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8881288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukitari/pseuds/lukitari
Summary: Ben Organa never becomes Kylo Ren. Force-sensitive people around the galaxy aren't all treated the same. Life isn't easy for anyone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I got @felicitygs for Kylux Secret Satan on Twitter. Hi, hope you like this!
> 
> I (kinda) put in two of the offered prompts:  
> \- Ben finds Millicent & brings her back to Hux  
> \- Force-sensitive Hux

Ben Organa meets Armitage Hux for the first time when he’s only 9 years old.

He’s on Hosnian Prime with Mom, they’re supposed to be on holiday but it’s their first morning since arriving and she’s already working. Ben gets bored, frustrated. Uncle Luke has told him that if he gets too angry he’s allowed to leave a situation to calm down.

He’s not allowed to take the speeder out on his own so he’s stuck wandering the neighbourhood around their hotel.

Ben lets his feelings guide him to a park. It’s early so there aren’t too many people around. He likes the quiet among the trees, likes watching the birds in the pond, listening to their simple emotions. It’s not like he can block it out, not yet at least.

Hunger - water - fish - dive. Sunshine - warm - good.

They don’t think in words but images and feelings and Ben finds it soothing. There are no withheld thoughts, no bitten back comments, no lies. Ben much prefers animals to people.

As the sun climbs higher over the city, the park begins to fill with other visitors. Ben does his best to focus only on the birds, but it takes all his effort. By midday he’s tired and feels a foul mood setting on him.

He frowns at an elderly couple walking past him. He had deliberately chosen a spot on the grass further from the path so that people would leave him alone.

He nearly jumps when he feels a small furry head bump him on the arm. He’d been too busy keeping his concentration on the birds instead of people to sense the small cat approaching.

“Hello,” he says to the cat in greeting. He doesn’t mind being polite to animals.

“Who are you? I’m Ben.”

The cat rubs against him, purring. She radiates curiosity, warmth, like she’s known Ben for years. He scratches her between the ears and below her chin, smiling at the simple joy of the animal. He completely forgets about the people around him.

That’s when a tall boy with bright red hair and a murderous expression pokes him in the shoulder.

“What are you doing with my cat?” he says and Ben instantly feels guilty even though he’s pretty sure he’s done nothing wrong this time.

“I was listening to the birds talk. Your cat just showed up,” Ben tries to explain but that just makes the tall boy angrier.

“What do you mean you were listening to the birds talk? That makes no sense!”

The cat doesn’t seem very interested in what’s happening, instead she’s creeping towards the pond, having noticed the ducks.

“The birds talk with feelings,” Ben explains slowly, clearly, “just like your cat.”

Ben learned this ages ago with Uncle Luke and doesn’t understand why this boy is asking him stupid questions. Ben can sense him calling to the cat through the Force. The boy is clearly angry when the cat is only interested in the birds.

“Millie, Millicent, come on,” the boy pleads out loud, ignoring Ben.

Ben doesn’t like being ignored.

“She’s busy,” he snaps at the boy, purposefully sending a burst of annoyance his way. He doesn’t expect the boy to stumble and fall on his ass as a result. No one in his family who has the Force ever has.

The boy looks at him, wide-eyed, broadcasting anger and fear. Ben didn’t mean to scare him.

“What was that?” the boy asks, suspicious, anger winning over.

“The Force, duh,” Ben rolls his eyes at him. The boy should know, he’s got it too.

“Bantha shit, The Force!. It doesn’t exist,” the boy says, narrowing his eyes. Ben has only heard Mom curse like that when she’s yelling at Dad. Suddenly the boy in front of him feels a lot older.

“But you can feel it too,” Ben starts, but the boy immediately talks over him, quietly like someone’s listening in.

“No I can’t, keep your mouth shut! You don’t know anything, you’re just a kid.”

Ben wants to cry. He’s right and this boy is being rude to him for no reason.

“I know you shouldn’t lie,” Ben frowns.

“That’s it. Millie, come on, we’re leaving,” the boy huffs at the cat. She returns only to rub herself against Ben once more. She no longer has any interest in the birds, having realised she would have to get herself wet to reach them.

“She doesn’t want to go. See?” Ben feels smug that the cat likes him, never mind that her owner seems like a giant jerk.

“Fuck. Millie, come on!” the boy pleads, getting up.

“You shouldn’t curse.”

“And you shouldn’t stick your big nose into other people’s business.”

“It’s not that big.”

The boy sits back down next to him.

“You’re right. Your ears are bigger.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“And you’re a brat.”

They sit in silence for a while. Ben doesn’t know what’s happening. Are they hanging out now? He doesn’t even know the boy’s name. He’s not mad anymore but he can’t hang out with someone if he doesn’t even know their name.

“I’m Ben,” he decides to go for it. Dad is always telling him he should try to make friends, after all.

The boy looks at him scratch behind Millie’s ear for a while before answering.

“Armitage.”

Ben nods to him, satisfied. Now they’re introduced. Mom tells him it’s important, as is being polite. She also tells him it’s important to be honest to your friends.

“Your cat is much nicer that you.”

The boy laughs.

“It’s a character flaw.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nevermind. So what are you doing here anyway? Don’t you have friends or something?”

Ben frowns. Aren’t they friends now?

“We’re on holiday but Mom’s working. She told me to be quiet so I left.” Millie’s fur is soft under his palm and her waves of contentment wash over him every time he sweeps his hand across her back. It’s nice, calm.

“What’s with that stupid braid?” Armitage asks. He’s resting his head on his knees, watching Ben pet the cat.

“I’m gonna be a Jedi.”

“A Jedi? Good for you,” Armitage snorts.

“Why are you so mean?”

“Why are you so short?”

“I can’t help it.”

“Well I can’t help it either.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

Leia finds Ben in the park with Armitage a few hours later. She always finds him when he’s hiding.

“Hi Mom,” he greets her from under the tree they’re leaning against, Millie lying on her back between them. Ben has his eyes closed but he knows when Mom is around without seeing her. He misses the worried glance Armitage throws at Leia, and then Ben.

“Hi Ben. Are you hungry?”

Ben opens his eyes to Leia smiling at him. Armitage is standing up, dusting his shirt and picking up Millie.

“I guess I am. Mom, this is-” he starts but Armitage beats him to it.

“I’m no one. I gotta go. Bye Ben!” He hurries away without a backward glance, leaving Ben confused, frowning at his back.

“Bye,” he says, knowing Armitage can’t hear him.

Later, when he asks Mom why Armitage didn’t want to talk about the Force, she tells him that there are places in the galaxy where people who can wield it are considered strange, dangerous. It makes him sad but she hugs him and promises that she’ll always keep him safe.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

Ben doesn’t grow up to become a Jedi. At around 13 he starts getting sad for no reason, and then angry because he shouldn’t be sad when there’s nothing wrong. He can’t focus on the exercises Luke has him do and he gets frustrated when he can’t seem to follow simple instructions.

He lashes out at Luke, at the other students, at his parents when they call. He feels like there’s a black hole inside him that slows down his days and his thoughts. He feels like he’s stuck on the edge of the event horizon and any day now he’s going to tip over and be consumed, ripped apart and compressed into matter.

It’s Master Luke who sits Ben down one day and asks him to try and explain what’s wrong. They’re in the herb garden behind the main house. The sun has been scorching the plains below their little hill for days now and Ben is on garden duty this week.

He’s been standing still, staring at a dry plant for what feels like an eon, trying not to cry because he failed again. He flinches when he feels Luke’s hand on his shoulder.

“Come sit in the shade for a moment,” Luke tells him. He heads to the bench under the vines that grow up the walls of the house and beyond.

Ben follows without a word. When he takes a seat Master Luke offers him a cold bottle of water. There’s a lump the size of Coruscant in Ben’s throat. He takes a sip of water and tries to wipe his eyes without drawing attention to it. Master Luke waits until he’s done to talk.

“All I want for you, Ben, is for you to be happy.”

Ben doesn’t think he can say a word without his voice breaking, so he stays quiet.

“You’ve learned so much here, but it hasn’t made you happy. The Force is strong with you, and it always will be, but Ben,” Luke sighs.

“You don’t have to align yourself with the Force if you don’t want to.”

They sit quietly for a while and Ben tries to think about anything, everything. He’s become quite good at shutting out the world but right now his mind is jumping from a determined bee to his uncle to a lizard lounging in the heat to the other students to his uncle to the bee to another bee -

“Ben. Breathe.”

“I don’t want to be a Jedi.” It comes out in a rush and with it come the tears and Ben hates crying in front of other people but he can’t help it.

At least Luke doesn’t try to hug him, he knows Ben well enough. He sits there without judgement, radiating instead acceptance and love, and Ben is overwhelmed. He cries and cries until he feels as dry as the plants he was supposed to tend to. It’s ugly and humiliating and afterwards he feels worn out but lighter, somehow.

Han comes to pick him up the next day with the Falcon, the ship banging and rattling as it lands near the house.

“I can’t believe that wreck still flies,” Uncle Luke mutters to Ben while they wait for Han to lower the boarding ramp and emerge from the depth of the ship. Ben laughs and there’s a glimmer in the corner of Luke’s eye when he continues,

“It belongs in a museum, not in space. Force help me if he gets my only nephew killed because he can’t let go of his shady past.”

Ben’s still laughing when his father comes to greet him, asking what’s so funny. It makes Ben laugh even harder.

“Nothing, nothing. Jedi stuff,” Luke tells Han with a smile and Ben can’t take it, he turns to hug his uncle. When Ben turns to leave his father looks half amused, half offended.

“Take care, Ben,” is all Luke says to him when they part.

Ben sits in the co-pilot’s seat, watching the stars as they ascend towards space. The seat is familiar like the dashboard in front of him, like his father piloting the ship next to him. Ben only half listens to him go on about the newest modification he’s gonna make to the ship, about a part he got from a Hutt somewhere, about the last ridiculous situation he got himself into.

The black hole is still there, but Ben feels like if he gathers up enough energy then maybe, maybe he can push away from its gravitational field.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

The second time Ben Organa meets Armitage Hux he’s 29 years old, back on Hosnian Prime, and trying to change the galaxy one partygoer at a time.

It’s an official banquet arranged to greet visitors, representatives of potential new member states to the New Republic. Ben is not exactly invited but he’s good at getting into places he’s not supposed to be.

Being the son of Senator Organa and a known philanthropist (some news outlets prefer to call him an activist, a troublemaker) does help but sometimes he still has to use the Force to convince the security to look the other way when getting into rooms with the elite. Debates with him tend to get heated and he’s blacklisted in a few places.

“I’ve seen first hand the effects of The First Order’s treatment of Force-sensitive individuals,” Ben is telling a small group of listeners. He has Finn’s permission to tell his story.

“There’s a man, a boy really, in one of the support groups we hold at the facility I run. He was 15 when I met him for the first time.”

He takes a break at this part, looking at each listener in the eyes before continuing.

“He started manifesting his connection to the Force when he was 8 years old. He could sense the mood of any person around him, even tell when they were lying. He’s a remarkably empathetic person, honest to a fault even then, so he didn’t think to keep it a secret. He thought, people have heard of the Jedi, surely they would be excited for him.”

Ben takes a drink, prepares for the next part. His listeners feel cautious, partly sympathetic so far. At least one of them might actually hear him tonight, then.

“One day soldiers showed up at his house, telling his parents their son had been chosen into a mandatory government program for individuals of his type. They were going to transport him right away and there would be no appeal process.”

“They took him, just like that?” one of Ben’s listeners, a Krevaaki advisor asks, sounding mildly horrified.

“Just like that,” Ben tells her.

“What did they do to him?” the Krevaaki asks. She’s tightening a tentacle around her glass and doesn’t seem to notice she’s doing it.

Ben’s about to answer, in as much detail as he can, to really drive the point home, when a familiar voice interrupts him.

“I’m terribly sorry to barge in like this,” Leia says half to Ben, half to everyone around him, “but I need a moment with my son, if that’s alright?”

Ben excuses himself with an apologetic smile and follows his mother to the corridor outside the banquet hall.

“Hello mother,” he greets her. She’s not thrilled to see him, and he knows it.

“Why are you here Ben?”

“I’m royalty, aren’t I? The Prince of Alderaan, a real celebrity! I’m using it to my advantage.”

“By causing a scene?”

“I’m telling the truth! How is that causing a scene?” Ben wishes his glass was fuller.

“You’re potentially aggravating a foreign paramilitary power into further action against its citizens-”

“Mother, please.”

“-when the situation is fragile already. We all need to tread carefully. Ben, you’re not the only one who cares.”

“It sure feels that way.”

Leia just looks at him. She doesn’t need to say a word to make Ben’s blood boil in his veins. He takes a sip of his drink, well, it’s more of a gulp.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tarnish your reputation as a reasonable and moderate politician. I’ll leave you well out of it, the way you like, even if it means people still suffer.”

They’ve been over this and Ben knows he’s being unfair. His mother has her own reasons for not disclosing to the public her own Force ability.

He knows they’re on the same side and that she’s working on something she can’t discuss with him. She’s his mother, though. And, well. He knows she’ll be there even after he accuses her of the worst things.

“You get so mean when you drink.” Leia says. It feels fond, familiar.

“I wonder where I get that from.” Ben snaps at her.

“Can we not do this now?” Leia sighs. She looks older than she is, somehow, to Ben.

“Fine.”

“Good.”

They stand in silence for a moment, just listening to the noise of the crowd from the other room. Leia finishes her drink and looks around for a place to put her glass down. Ben grins and levitates his own empty glass, then hers to a table at the far end of the corridor.

“Show-off,” his mother smiles at him.

“You’re the only one who’s still impressed by that, Mom.” Ben leaves unsaid that it’s the sole reason he does it around her. They both know.

“Anyway, surely my being here is big enough a slap in the face to those First Order bigots,” Ben concludes, heading back towards the banquet hall with her.

“I’m sure they’re rattled to the core,” she replies.

They stop outside the doors. Leia gives him a glance from the corner of her eye. It’s her silent ‘play nice’ before she enters the party, leaving him to gather his wits.

Ben’s about to enter the fray, prepared to be sociable and charming for the next few hours, when he runs into the last person he thought he’d see tonight. Literally, walks right into him. They almost knock heads.

Ben looks up as he steps back, ready to apologise for being so clumsy, and the words die in his throat.

“Armitage,” he says instead, voice full of surprise. No doubt he’s broadcasting wonder to everyone within the city with how badly he’s thrown for a loop. He feels like a kid again, struggling to keep his feelings to himself.

Armitage’s eyes widen in recognition. Before Ben knows it, he’s being dragged by the arm through the corridor, down some stairs, into another room on another floor in the building. It’s an office, maybe, Ben isn’t sure because the lights aren’t on and he can barely see by the glow of the city coming through the window.

“You can’t be here,” Armitage says to Ben, locking the door behind them.

“What-” Ben stops himself to look at Armitage, to really look at him. The uniform of a high ranking First Order official is impossible to miss, even in near darkness. Ben suddenly finds it hard to breathe.

“You’re working for them?” he spits out.

He can’t believe- he’s been sure-

All these years he’s been afraid for the boy he spent one afternoon with.

Ben has thought about that boy every time a new person has walked through the doors of the small sanctuary he’s built for people like him in this city.

He’s thought about him every time he’s assured people they’re safe here, that no one will take them away, that yes he can teach them how to understand the Force, how to live with it.

He thought about that boy during his time as a padawan and afterwards when he was living with his mother, trying to go on without a clear purpose. He thought about him during the first support group meeting in the communal room of the house he now calls a home. He thought about him today in the daily meeting. He’s helped hundreds of people but he still thinks about that boy.

He never thought he’d meet that boy again, but he’s partly the reason Ben now is who he is.

He never thought he’d meet that boy again, and he never thought that boy would grow up to be a hypocrite, exactly the kind of evil Ben is trying to fight.

“I’m not evil, I’m surviving,” Armitage says, quietly, like the darkness might shatter if he were to disturb it.

Ben is at a loss for words. That doesn’t happen often.

Light from a passing vehicle glides across the room, momentarily painting everything in cold, stark contrast. Armitage has his hair combed back but it looks just as red as it was twenty years ago. Ben feels light headed.

“You’re broadcasting pretty loud right now, you know,” Armitage tells him, and Ben has to look away to take a breath, two, three, to pull himself together. His shields and barriers go back up, but they feel crooked, bent at the hinges.

“You got taller,” Armitage says. He’s staring at Ben. Why is he staring at Ben?

“What.”

“Your mother is tiny, I thought you’d maybe stay short but.. You grew up. You’re.. Huge.”

Armitage gives him a once over as another passing light sweeps the room.

“I work out.” Ben doesn’t know why he says it. He feels like he’s watching himself from another room, another star system.

“You know I recognised her all those years ago. Your mother,” Armitage tells him.

“Princess Leia Organa. I watched all the news I could whenever we visited Core planets. She was in the news a lot, back then already. Well, gossip news at least.” Armitage continues. Ben feels glimpses of childlike wonder, respect, jealousy, coming from him.

Ben swallows, then clears his throat. The air feels dry, suffocating around him.

“She’s a senator now,” Ben says, somewhat redundantly. Surely Armitage knows that, if he’s here now.

“She is. I met her earlier,” Armitage confirms.

“And you’re a…” Ben nods towards his uniform, his polished boots, crisp collar.

“I’m a general of the First Order,” Armitage says.

“A general. Right.” Ben can’t look at him. Instead he stares out the window, letting the lights blur into bright nothingness.

“General Armitage Hux, hi. I, um, I actually go by Hux now.”

Ben blinks, resolutely looking away.

“Hux?”

“It’s my father’s last name. It carries a lot of weight. I guess I’ve gotten used to it now.”

“Right.” Ben nods, bitter.

“I didn’t think I’d see you here tonight, or at all to be honest.” Hux sounds curious, hopeful.

That’s it.

“I didn’t think I’d see you become a hypocrite but here we are.” Ben whips his head to glare at him, words dripping venom.

Hux scoffs, straightens his sleeves.

“Don’t be so dramatic. What better way to change the system than from the inside?”

Ben would laugh if he wasn’t so angry.

“From what I’ve heard, the system hasn’t changed much in the past few years,” he throws the accusation at Hux. He feels betrayed somehow.

Hux straightens his posture and just like that the air between him and Ben feels colder. Hux’s features look sharper, and a passing light seems to flash in his eyes like blaster fire.

”You know, I’ve been diverting funding from citizen monitoring to the military.”

“Like that’s any better.” Ben is intentionally riling Hux up for a fight and it feels exciting. Like he’s daring a thunderstorm to get closer, taunting the lightning to try and strike him.

“It’s the only thing that won’t raise any suspicion. These are the remnants of the Empire, what do you expect? Libraries, hospitals, art schools? They’re an afterthought at best. I’ve been doing what I can to stop the torture of our citizens without compromising my position.”

“That’s all you care about? Your position, being in charge?” Ben is a tree on a tall hill in the middle of the plains. He’s a lake in the mountains, high enough to touch the dark clouds gathering above.

“Better me than someone who doesn’t give a shit!” Hux finally cracks. The lightning strikes.

“YOU don’t give a shit!” Ben is alive with electricity. “You’ve, what, kept yourself safe while kids have been ripped from their homes, drugged and tortured and beaten because of something they can’t help?” He feels himself trembling with the energy.

“Do you think I don’t know what’s going on, Ben?” Hux spits. “You have it so fucking easy, you have no way of knowing what it’s like. I have to live with the guilt! Not you.”

“Ha! So you do feel guilty.” Ben feels vindicated, pointing his finger at Hux, stepping closer. He’s a spitting image of his father.

“Of course I do, you asshole,” Hux shouts to Ben’s face. “I got to grow up with my family just because my father was a big shot in the Empire. I got to visit other planets and go to school as long as I kept my secret to myself, he made sure of that.”

“Lucky you.” Ben’s close enough that he could punch Hux if he wanted to. He really, really wants to.

“Yeah, lucky me. Now that he’s dead the only thing keeping me safe is my position, and I’m not about to give that up,” Hux sneers, and Ben wants to break his perfect face.

“Of course not, why would you,” Ben growls right back, fists clenched at his sides.

Hux opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it, swallows his words. He turns away from Ben, takes two steps toward the door, and then suddenly spins back around.

“You know what, fuck you, Ben. This isn’t a Death Star you can just blow up and forget about the aftermath. The world doesn’t work like that!” Hux looks newly furious, at Ben, at everything.

Ben feels like a terrible person for thinking he looks beautiful.

“I know that,” Ben sputters.

Hux steps closer, eyes narrowed, accusing.

“I don’t think you do. I have to live with the mess the Empire left behind. I’m not Luke Skywalker, I can’t just sweep in with a grand gesture and then fuck off to teach little Jedi in the ass end of the galaxy!”

“That’s not fair,” Ben says.

“Well life isn’t fair, Ben Organa!”

His name sounds like an insult, coming from Hux. Ben definitely needs more to drink.

“I need more to drink,” Ben mutters half to himself.

“Good, me too,” Hux replies, and once again Ben is thrown off his orbit.

“We can’t go back upstairs,” Hux continues, “I can’t be seen with you before my speech at the Senate tomorrow. They’ll start saying I’ve been influenced by radical elements or some other nonsense.”

Hux throws finger quotes around ‘radical elements’ and to Ben it looks absolutely ridiculous. He can’t help the burst of laughter that escapes from him.

“What’s so funny?” Hux looks baffled, almost offended.

“Nothing,” Ben grins. “Come on, I know a place we can get hammered without anyone blinking an eye.”

When life throws strange situations in his way, Ben has found out it’s usually just best to go with them.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

Around four shots in, Hux leans against Ben, and whispers in a way that he must think is seductive.

“Are you as big everywhere as you are up here?” He’s grabbing Ben’s bicep and resting his chin on Ben’s shoulder.

The entire night has been ridiculous. The bad pick-up line shouldn’t work, but Ben feels a shiver travel down his spine nonetheless. It starts where Hux’s breath touches his neck, and stops where Hux’s other hand is currently resting at the small of his back.

Ben finishes his drink in one go.

“Do you wanna come back to mine?” he asks Hux, turning his head so that their lips are almost touching.

Hux replies with a hand that finds its way under Ben’s shirt and teeth that bite into his bottom lip between kisses.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

The sex is incredible.

Ben is on Hux as soon as they’re in through the door to his small apartment. He lifts Hux against the wall a grinds against him, feeling Hux shake with laughter against him.

“You oaf, I can’t even get my boots off like this,” Hux giggles against his neck.

Ben’s solution is to carry Hux to the bed and throw him onto it. It only makes Hux laugh harder.

Ben kneels on the bed between Hux’s legs and removes his boots for him, lifting one leg at a time and kissing a pale ankle, a calf, anything he can reach once the boots are gone.

Hux squirms, but lets Ben do what he wants, which is to kiss every part of Hux that’s revealed when a piece of clothing is thrown to the floor.

When they’re finally both naked and entangled, cocks sliding together, slick with saliva and lube -

(“we cultivate our own bacta” “of course you do” “stop laughing” “I can’t! Just, go, get your organic homegrown bacta and put it on my dick, I don’t care”)

\- that’s when Hux has the best idea of all ideas ever, if you ask Ben.

“Have you ever, you know, opened up during sex?” Hux mumbles into Ben’s hair as Ben drags his lips against Hux’s throat.

“What, like my ass?” Ben asks. He’s had plenty of stuff up his ass, and he tells Hux as much.

“No, you freak,” Hux laughs at Ben, tugging on his hair.

“I meant like - oh fuck - like, through the Force. Ow, fuck!”

Ben bit Hux’s nipple. Maybe he bit a little hard. It felt like a good idea.

“Sorry.” Ben kisses the nipple he bit, licks across it a couple of times, until Hux starts making sounds that indicate Ben’s been forgiven.

“Ben.”

Ben would listen, but. He’s pretty busy. Hux’s skin doesn’t kiss itself, after all.

“Ben.”

“Ben!”

A kick in the shin is not part of what Ben particularly enjoys in bed, so he looks up from the expanse of pale, soft skin, to Hux’s amused but impatient face.

“Do you wanna try it?” Hux asks Ben, dragging him back up so that they’re face to face again, hips slotting together like they belong.

“Using the Force?” Ben confirms, kisses Hux, and then kisses him again because he can.

“Yes,” Hux breathes against Ben’s mouth. “I’ve never, but I’d like to.”

“Me neither,” Ben admits. “But yeah, I wanna.” He punctuates this with a dirty, slow drag of his hips against Hux’s. Ben’s cock twitches between their stomachs when Hux drags his nails across Ben’s back in response.

It starts with Ben quite forcefully throwing down his mental shields and focusing completely on letting Hux in, and letting his own emotions run wild. He feels like, if he’s going to do something, he might as well do it properly from the start.

Ben whimpers against Hux’s neck when he feels Hux do the same, if slower. It’s a spiraling feedback loop that drags them both with it.

Ben feels Hux feel Ben feel Hux want Ben want Hux want Ben feel want feel feel -

Someone, Ben, Hux, pants “fuck fuck fuck”, they’re so close, they’ve never been this close to another person. They don’t know if they keep moving against each other or if they stay still and the world spins around them.

When they come, it starts building suddenly and it builds and builds and it’s so fast, and when it pushes them over the edge together they drown in the white noise that fills the entire room, fills the entire world with static.

When Ben comes to, he’s still twitching his hips, rubbing against a breathless Hux under him. There’s come everywhere, they’re both sticky with it. It’s disgusting.

Ben has never felt better.

He starts to laugh, Hux joins in, and then they’re both laughing and it should be awkward but it isn’t.

They keep bursting into laughter through the shower they take in Ben’s cramped fresher, through Ben trying to change the sheet on the bed with no help from Hux whatsoever.

“Do you still have that cat?” Ben asks Hux as they’re laying side by side in bed, under a blanket.

“What, Millie?”

“Yeah. I liked her.”

Hux turns his head to look at Ben.

“You met her once two decades ago.”

Ben looks back at him.

“So?”

Hux turns his gaze toward the ceiling again.

“Nothing. Nevermind. She passed away a while ago.”

Ben doesn’t turn away.

“I’m sorry.”

“She was old.”

Ben likes looking at Hux. His profile, his mussed hair, his arm thrown back on the pillow.

“I’ve never had pets but I’ve always loved being around animals,” Ben tells him.

“Yeah.”

“They’re simple. They either like you or they don’t”

“Mh-hm.”

Ben waits a moment, just breathing in and out, matching his breath to Hux.

“There’s an aquarium here in the city. I helped a friend get a job there. She’s a night guard and she sometimes lets me in after hours to just, you know, listen. Be.”

“That sounds nice.”

“I could take you someday.”

Hux doesn’t respond to that and Ben knows he’s blown it. Why does he always do this, him and his big mouth and his temper and -

“I need to get back to the hotel,” Hux says, turning to get up, to leave.

There’s a bitter taste in the back of Ben’s mouth.

“Yeah, got a big speech tomorrow. Get those tax benefits.” Ben hates himself before the words are even out of his mouth.

Ben feels Hux’s bursting anger like a spike to the gut.

As soon as he’s got his boots on Hux stomps to the door, pulling his jacket around his shoulders like he’s trying to contain the parts of him that are spilling all over Ben’s little house.

All Ben can do is watch from where he feels bolted down on the bed, naked but a worn sheet covering his hips, as Hux pulls on his clothes like pieces of armor and prepares to walk out on him. He’s got his hand on the door release pad when he turns to Ben one last time.

“Fuck you, Ben. I hope you suffocate on your righteousness.”

With that he’s gone, and Ben is left with nothing but his spiraling thoughts to keep him company in the dark of his home.

He ends up destroying a chair. He’d been meaning to replace it anyway.

He also drinks the last of the beer in his conservator and passes out on top of the blanket.

It’s not one of his finest moments.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

Ben sleeps through the Senate meeting.

He wakes up when Finn comes knocking on his door, telling him to drag his ass downstairs. It’s afternoon and they’ve already held the daily group but the least Ben can do is come show his face.

Ben is pretty sure they only want to see him to mock his suffering. Still, he gets dressed and wanders down the stairs towards the smell of caf and chattering of voices.

He emerges from the kitchen to whooping and hollering from the communal room.

“Ben, you got laid!”

“Well done!”

“I hope it was good ‘cause you look like shit!”

Ben tries to hide behind his cup of caf.

“Shut up, all of you,” he grunts and goes to find a place to sit by the window.

Finn comes sit next to him.

“You missed the First Order’s bid for New Republic membership, by, I don’t know, five hours,” he tells Ben.

Ben feels guilty. He’s an asshole. He should’ve been there to offer support to those actually escaped from the Order.

“Finn, I’m sorry. I fucked up.”

Finn looks at him with a serious expression.

“Yeah, you did. But it wasn’t that bad.”

Ben looks up from his caf.

“It wasn’t?”

“No. Imagine my surprise when this general or something starts talking about building new relationships between nations, exchanging knowledge or some shit,” Finn tells him, gesturing with his hands.

“He even mentioned that it was his dad, get this, who was the biggest advocate of the old times and old ways, and that he would not grow up to be like his dad, but better,” Finn continues. He sounds almost hopeful.

“It was a good speech. Too bad you missed it!” Finn is teasing Ben now. They both know the news will be repeating everything from the day’s Senate meeting for weeks.

“Yeah,” Ben agrees, “too bad.”

Ben sits there, listening to various conversations going on in the room. The newcomers seem to be getting along well with everyone else. They don’t have anything scheduled for later that day but the house is always open for people who need it.

Usually Ben likes having people around, but today the noise gets to him more than usual. His mind feels fragile, like a strong gust of wind could shatter the walls he has built to give people their privacy and him his silence.

After an hour of struggling to pay attention to anything but the pounding in his head, Ben gives up and excuses himself to go for a walk. The house will be fine, he can be gone for a few hours. He’s got his communicator with him if there’s an emergency.

Ben has no idea where he’s going, he lets his feelings guide him to where it’s quiet. The sun is low already. It’s not quite winter yet, but there’s a chill in the air with a promise of snow.

The sound of speeders above seems to mute the longer Ben walks. He’s letting the Force take control of his senses, surrendering to wherever it wants to take him. He’s not afraid. The Force usually knows what’s best for Ben.

The sun has set by the time Ben reaches his destination. The streetlamps cast a light that glimmers on frosted grass that has died and grown twenty times since Ben last set foot in this park. There are no ducks this time, a thin layer of ice covers the pond.

Ben wanders over to the tree he and Armitage sat under. It looks smaller without leaves, despite having probably grown quite a lot. Ben remembers the tree being tall, Armitage could barely reach the lowest branch. It’s level with Ben’s head now.

The park is empty and silent, so Ben goes to find a bench near the pond. He has to clear it from dead leaves before he can sit down.

Ben shoves his hands in his jacket pockets, he forgot to bring gloves. He can see his breath in the icy air. There’s too much light from the city to see the stars, and it’s too cloudy anyway.

Ben knows space, though, he’s not in the habit of looking up and wondering about distant stars. He’s happy where he is.

It feels true, when he says it to himself these days.

Ben’s message tone brings him up from his near meditation some time later. He gets up to stretch his cold limbs before digging out his communicator.

The message is from an unknown sender.

_Got your number from your mother. She’s nice, for a princess turned senator. -H_

It’s followed almost immediately by another message.

_How about that aquarium the next time I’m in your orbit? I’ll bring wine. -H_

Ben smiles as he saves the number as “Armitage”.

The first snow starts to fall as Ben walks back home.


End file.
